The Zionist’s Guide To The World Cup–Day 20

Pick your analogy: 1) Rosencrantz and Guildenstern repeatedly flipping a coin which always ends up heads in the first scene of “Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead;” or

2) Lucy snatching away the other kind of football just before Charlie Brown kicks it.

Whether one prefers the snooty cultural reference or the pop cultural reference, either one could have described the collective neuroses of England and their fans as the inevitable penalty kick stage loomed over the stadium in Moscow during today’s match with Colombia.  Somehow, The Three Lions managed to survive the shoot-out with the Colombians.  In doing so, they will proceed to a quarterfinal match against the Swedes on Saturday.

The Colombians, the number one ranked team in the ZGWC poll, went down swinging.  However, without their danger man, James Rodriguez, they lacked the offensive punch necessary to defeat the English.  England controlled the game for much of the match, and when the game got chippy, the Colombians seem to be the less menschlich of the two sides.

The only comfort I could take from the English victory is that their fans in the stadium looked more like Tory voters than Jeremy Corbyn-type Labour voters.  But what do I know?

In the first contest of the day, the match-between-almost-equally-dislikeable-Western-European-countries, the blonde-haired anti-Zionists of Sweden bested the more multi-ethnic anti-Zionists of Switzerland, 1-nil.  Ho hum.

The next round–the quarterfinals–will begin on Friday.  Currently, there are eight teams left in the competition (along with their ZGWC ranking):  Belgium (#14), Brazil (#5), Croatia (#8), England (#6), France (#9), Russia (#11), Sweden (#16), and Uruguay (#7).

The Zionist’s Guide will take tomorrow off to mourn the absence of the United States from the World Cup and to sort out the wreckage of what teams remain in the competition.

The full force of the Fear and Loathing that is the 2018 World Cup has surely arrived.


About the Author
Doug Klein is an attorney in Chicago and the wrestling coach at Ida Crown Jewish Academy.
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