Top 11 ways Israeli elections are better

It’s just nine days until the US elections. Are you ready for them to be over? If you thought Israeli elections were bad, the last many months may have caused you to reconsider. And what’s so bad about Israeli elections anyway?

Here are the top 11 ways that the Israeli elections are better than America’s.

11. It’s a national holiday in Israel. You can spend all day committing voter fraud without having to give your boss a fake doctor’s note (and still have time to BBQ).

10. We don’t need “I Voted!” stickers as incentives to throw the bums out of office. (We’re too busy voting them in.)

9. Without 50 different state governments, it’s much easier to rig an election.

8. Our entire election cycle is shorter than Christmas season at the mall.

7. The Russians can’t hack into a cardboard box stuffed with pieces of paper.

6. The drama of debates is unnecessary. Have you seen a Knesset meeting?

5. The Holocaust survivors/pot legalization party is a far better alternative than Jill Stein.

4. We’re experienced in electing people who will eventually go to jail.

3. There is no equivalent of “shy Trump supporters” because nobody here gives a shit what people think of you.

2. Wikileaks can’t sway an election by intercepting government faxes.

And the number one reason that Israeli elections are better than America’s….

1. If you don’t like the result, just wait a year.

For a standup comedy show or program about Israeli society, visit www.benjilovitt.com. Benji is performing this Tuesday night in Tel Aviv.